Say Nothing
by shawn-n-belle
Summary: You know that look in her eyes is probably the closest to an I love you that you’ll ever get. But oddly, you are okay with that.


I loved the Meredith and Lexie scenes in 6X04, so I wrote what I thought would be cute after it faded to black. An extension of some sort and I really want to say that Lexie is hard as hell to write and so is Meredith. I think this is why I stick with Callie and Arizona. Ha. But I gave it a shot, so I hope that you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: These characters are the property of Shonda Rimes, I am simply borrowing them for entertainment purposes, nothing was profited from this creation.

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_And it's still so hard to be who you are,_

_So you play this part,_

_And the show goes on _

_You've come this far with a broken heart,_

_Yeah you've come this far,_

_And you're broken_

_Let me light up the sky,_

_Light it up for you_

_Let me tell you why,_

_I would die for you_

_Let me light up the sky,_

_Light it up for you._

You came here expecting nothing from her, you never wanted want to ask her for anything because you were taught to be better than that. You were taught that all you needed in life was to come from yourself, you never ask any one for any help, but if they offer, well that's a different story. You understand the fact that she has worked so hard to get where she is now, given the fact that your father had been practically absent in her life, everything that she has accomplished, she has accomplished alone and you admire her for that. You admire her strength, her ability to hold on when every one else is giving up, her grace, her beauty. Truly, she has all the features that you find yourself lacking, and you'll never tell her, but you really look up to her.

You were surprised when she chose to give your father a part of her liver, especially given the fact of how she feels toward him. You half expected her to march into his room, tell him of what type of failure he was to her and how she could never sympathize with him, at least enough to give him an organ. So, when she agrees to do it, you're extremely surprised but mostly because she acknowledges you as her sister. You have tried so hard to bond with her, to make up for all of those years that you have missed and you think that you have failed but when she tells him that it's amazing to have a sister, you swear you could have died in that moment.

You sit at her bedside now, watching as her stomach rises and falls with every breath that she takes, and you wonder exactly why she did it. She owes your father nothing, she is not obligated to him and honestly, she is not obligated to you either. She has lived her entire life without a sister, yet now she must care for you and do things for you. You can't help but be amazed by how selfless she was for you and you have it in your mind to thank her later, you just hope that with all of the excitement going on, you don't forget it. Because you do not want to come across as ungrateful because you know now that you owe her far much more than you will ever be able to repay her.

You have always known that she existed, you knew that she was out there somewhere, wandering around and you always were curious as to what she looked like. Did she have your eyes? Your hair? Did she like the same kind of fashion that you did? What is her favorite band? Movie? Did she have a boyfriend? You asked your father about her once or twice, he brushed it off, telling you to never ask of her again. So, you don't for a while until you are seventeen years old and your best friend's sister is getting married. You ask of her again, of why she does not live with you and it is only then that your father loses his temper and hits you. He apologizes quickly for it and you forgive him but you never ask of her again.

Now she is here, in front of you, slightly pale but still undeniably beautiful and you slightly hate your father for keeping you separated from her. You think that you could have been really good friends growing up, the kind of sisters that share secrets with each other, and you wish that you would have gotten the chance to truly know her before. But you know better than to worry yourself with the past because it does not matter, you must concern yourself with the now, with the girl that is laying in the bed beside of you, not because you asked her to, but because she wanted to.

You have been fighting sleep off for practically the whole night now because you are afraid that if you drift off for one moment then you are going to miss something. You've been filtering yourself from your father to her, but you find yourself staying longer at her bedside than his. You don't really know why, considering you love them both the same, but something makes you feel obligated to sit by her, to wait patiently until her blue eyes are staring into yours. So, you sit here, your chin resting on your folded hands as you stare at a spot on the wall, waiting for her. And you know that you will be here all night long, just waiting for her because you care about her just that much.

You are appreciative of the people who offered to take your spot, but you remain seated. You smiled at Derek when he told you that you needed to get some sleep, and you thank God that your sister has such an amazing man in your life. Christina, although she would never admit it you, actually offered to take your place because you didn't need to worry yourself over the both of them. Even Dr. Bailey had showed up, but instead she barked at you of how amazing she was and how you are pretty damn lucky to have her in your life. And as serious as you know she is, as much as you are afraid of her, you can't help but laugh and nod your head, whispering that you know. Because you _do _know that you are blessed with her, even if you do not always tell her that.

As the morning light creates shadows on the wall in front of you, you wonder what life would have been like for you if you had not came to Seattle Grace. Would you have ever met her? Would you have still fallen in love with Mark? Would your father have died? You are contemplating these questions when the still body that you have been watching for the past seven hours begins to wiggle. You look up to find her blue eyes squinting at the light and a soft moan escapes from her lips. You try to not look so relieved when her eyes meet yours but you are almost sure that it is written all over your face. She does not say anything for a little while and neither do you, in fear of saying the wrong thing but then she laughs and you smile.

"Have you been sleeping on me all night?" She asks and you laugh silently to yourself. Well, not _all_ night, just most of it. You tried to stay with your father, you really did, but your mind kept wandering back to her, and how she was doing. You asked the Chief to stay with your father, you were positive that he didn't want to but you put on your 'sad Lexie' eyes and he quickly obliged.

"Yeah. I've been going between you and dad. He's doing good by the way," You reply, unsure if she wants to know how he is doing. He is not her father, at least that is what she has told you many different times when you tried to bring him up. She made the statement that he was simply the guy who poured her cereal but you now wonder if it is going to be different. You don't expect her to call him 'dad' any time soon or buy one of those 'daddy's girl' shirts but you know that she is going to look at him differently now and as much as you want to take credit for that, you know it is his failed liver that is the cause.

"Good, that's good," She mumbles and for the first time, a part of you knows that she really means it. You know that before you introduced yourself, she would not have gave a damn if he lived or died, but now she did care and it was all because of _you_. For a while you don't say anything, you simply watch her with careful eyes, afraid that she is going to disappear in front of you much like your mother had a few years before. You debate of taking her hand but you know that she would pull away with a look of disgust on her face, if you learned anything about Meredith Grey in the past few months, it was that she did not like personal contact. While, it may seem like the right thing to do at normal occasions like this, you decide not to because Meredith is different than all the rest.

"Lexie," She sighs and you look at her, your eyes meeting hers. You see it in her eyes for the first time and you swear your heart stopped beating in that second. She has never said it before, she has never acknowledged it , you always thought that either she did not feel it or she was to afraid to admit it. Now it is different though, you don't know why or how but it just simply is. She is looking at you with the glistening in her eyes and you can't really say anything because you are afraid of saying the _wrong _thing, "you're um…you're on my I.V." you know it wasn't what she was wanting to say and you smirk.

You don't feel let down or hurt or disappointed like you normally should, instead you feel relieved. Because, you know that look in her eyes is probably the closest to an I love you that you'll ever get. But oddly, you are okay with that.

"Oh! Sorry!" You exclaim, quickly moving away from the plastic tube and you're not sure, but you could swear that you heard her laugh. You smile at her as you slowly stand, throwing the trash from your previous meal away as you tidy up her small space. You are well aware of her eyes that are fixated upon you as you busy yourself with nurse work and you want to ask what she is thinking but you choose not to.

"I know that we are understaffed but really, you don't have to do that. You're not academically prepared for that job," She teases and you force a laugh because it just feels right. You soon straighten the white blanket around her feet as you notice the empty spot on the bed beside of her. Gnawing on your bottom lip, you stare at it as you contemplate your next move, fearing her reaction. Yet, you realize that she is medically incapable of inflicting much harm, so now is your chance to make your move. You quickly pull down the white blanket, sliding yourself into the empty spot next to her and you are quick to find her glaring eyes at you.

"What are you doing?" She asks and you roll your shoulders.

"I've been sitting in that chair all night, staring at you, waiting for some sort of movement, the least you could do is share this big bed with me. You don't have to do it, but I think it would be nice," You joke with your sad Lexie eyes and she groans, wiggling over only slightly as she turns her head to face you. You wonder what she makes of it all, of Thatcher, of you but you also know that she would never tell you.

"Seems like I'm doing a lot for you lately," She means it as a joke, you know but it bothers you. You don't want her to feel like she _has _to do anything for you because you are very capable of taking care of yourself. Hell, if your blood type had been a match, you would not have even looked at her to even be in this position. You don't want to become dependent on her because you are afraid, like all the other people in your life, she will vanish without warning.

"I can't…um…I can't thank you enough for what you did. You gave me my dad back, the dad that abandoned you and you did it for me. You didn't ask questions or anything in return, you just…you did _it_. And I can never repay you or show my gratitude enough for what you have done, you'll never truly know how much I appreciate this," You explain and she smirks with a simple nod of her head.

"Did any one besides you decide to see if I was still alive?" She is trying so hard to change the subject and you are aware of this, you know that she is probably secretly cursing at you for even trying to start the subject and it's almost enough to make you laugh.

"Yeah. Derek, obviously came by and so did Christina and Dr. Bailey. She cursed at me and told me that I was lucky to have someone as great as you are. Apparently, I'm not the only person who can put on the sad eyes and make an impression," You joke and she laughs with a warm smile.

"Dr. Bailey is a good doctor, she saved my life and she saved Izzie's. I'm glad she came by," She replies and you nod your head swiftly, gnawing on your thumbnail as the silence falls around you. You don't say much for a while, instead you listen to her breath beside of you and you ponder what today would have been like if she had chosen to not have the surgery. Clearly, you would have lost your father but you wonder if you would have lost her, too? Would you have been angry with her if she had chosen to not give him part of her liver? You look over at her and you sigh, you'll never know what could have been and probably what should have been because she was selfless for you.

"Mer," You whisper and she looks over at you, eyes squinted, a sudden serious expression on her face and you half expect her to slap you for calling her by that name. Instead you only swallow the fear in your throat, closing your eyes as you take in the moment, "I love you."

"Lexie," She scolds you instantly, almost as quickly as the words escaped from your lips. You can't help but laugh dryly at the irritation held in her voice and you know that she isn't liking you so much for talking about your feelings right now but it is the only thing that feels right.

"No, I know, okay? I don't expect you to say it back, especially given the fact that Dad was never present in your life and you have issues with us. I don't want you to say it if you don't mean it, but I just…I want you to know that I _do _love you. You were so selfless just then, giving him a part of your liver and I know the only reason you did it was because of me. Because I'm your sister and he's my father but still, you did it and that is so…respectable. I admire you so much and you don't even know it. But you should know it. Just as you should know that I love you, even if you don't say it back," You explain and you can't even speculate her reaction but you know that it isn't going to be the one you want.

"Lexie," She groans and you try to ignore the tears that are now filling your eyes, because she deserves all the strength that you have left in you. She notices them though, with a sad but still appreciative smile and she brushes her brunette hair away from her face, before staring blankly up at the ceiling again.

"You're my sister. I care for you," She states and it's not exactly an I love you and you know that you will probably never get one of those from her, but the fact that she tells you this, makes your heart swell with love. You don't say anything because you don't know exactly what to say to that, so she takes it as the incentive to continue talking, even though you would have been pleased if she stopped at her last statement.

"Thatcher is not my father, and you have to understand that. I can hardly ever remember him being around, and when he was, all I remember him doing is pouring my cereal in the morning and watching cartoons with me. He might as well been a damn babysitter instead of my father. He chose to be with you, and Molly and Susan instead of Ellis and me and I hated him for the longest time because of that. I hated Susan and Molly and you because you took him away," She explains and it feels as if an icy cold hand has just reached into your chest and twisted your heart in half. The tears fall effortlessly down your cheeks now, even though you know you should be stronger and she sighs.

"It wasn't my fault. I'm not that little girl, Meredith," You interrupt her quickly and she nods.

"I know, sweetie. But in my eyes, you were. So when you showed up here and told me that you were my sister, I wanted to avoid you. I wanted to have absolutely nothing to do with you, not because of who you are but because of who Thatcher is. And I apologize for that because you're right, it wasn't your fault. But now, now I know you. You're my sister and um…you're my family. You're my person. And although I'll never say it…that means a lot to me," She whispers, the tears suddenly very present in her eyes and you only nod your head, ignoring the splashing tears that now soaked your face. You don't know what has come over you, but suddenly you hug her and she groans.

"Just because you are my sister doesn't mean that you can do that," She groans, pushing you off of her and you smirk with a grin.

"Right. Sorry," You apologize and she smiles at you before she refocuses her attention back onto the ceiling. So, you lay there, in the utmost silence, your arms behind your head as you stare at the bleak, white ceiling, trying so desperately hard to not squeal at the fact that Meredith Grey had just told you that you were her family. You don't want to ruin the moment, instead you savor it as you lay in the bed beside of her in the silence. You have never felt more like her little sister than right now, you've never felt more like her family than this small moment in time. It's remarkable really so, you slowly take it all in, one breath at a time.

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**Two hours to write, one second to review.**


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